Too Nice, Too Tense

TheLesson from the 85 South Show

I was watching the 85 South Show the other day — one of those episodes with Ms. Pat. She was cracking jokes, the studio was laughing, and then there was Chad.
Chad’s the CEO, the behind-the-scenes guy.
Funny part is, Ms. Pat paid him a compliment — said something lighthearted about how he was good-looking and women would let him do whatever. It was a joke, clearly, but instead of just laughing it off, he got uptight. The whole room shifted. You could feel the tension through the screen.

I remember sitting there thinking, “Damn. I’ve been that guy.”

Not the CEO part — the “too nice,” overthinking, stiff-in-the-moment part.
The guy who doesn’t know how to just ride the energy, take a compliment, and keep it cool.
The guy who wants to do right but ends up doing too much right — to the point where it’s no longer confidence, it’s caution.

And that’s the truth: too nice is just fear in polite clothes.

The Chad Energy

The more I thought about it, the more I realized Chad’s reaction was deeper than just awkwardness — it was a symptom.
He’s the kind of guy who’s probably been hurt before. The one who gave everything to a woman, got his heart broke, and now walks around with emotional bubble wrap.
He wants to be liked so bad, he forgets that women like confidence, not compliance.

When Ms. Pat joked, she was giving him an alley-oop — a chance to show charisma, to laugh, to play. But he dropped the ball because he couldn’t relax into his own energy.
He reacted instead of vibed.

And that hit me because I’ve been there.
I know what it feels like to be the “good guy” who gets overlooked, the one who treats women right but still ends up on read.
It’s not about kindness — it’s about energy.
You can be good and grounded, kind and confident, respectful and magnetic.
That’s the balance I’ve been chasing through my therapy work: to stop being “nice” and start being real.

Therapy Taught Me to Drop the Nice Guy

One of my therapy goals has been to stop operating from fear — to stop filtering myself just to keep the peace.
Because that “nice guy” version of me wasn’t actually nice.
He was scared.
Scared to say no. Scared to flirt. Scared to offend. Scared to lose.
And that fear kills attraction, kills confidence, kills growth.

When you told me that aiming to be magnetic and successful keeps me from becoming or staying that “nice guy,” that clicked.
Magnetism doesn’t mean arrogance.
It’s the ability to stay relaxed, centered, and funny when other people tense up.
It’s being sure of your worth, not begging for it.

I don’t want to be like Chad in that moment — uptight, uncomfortable, shrinking from attention.
I want to move like the guys on the couch — laughing, unbothered, authentic.
That’s why I’ve been writing, creating, and building — because the goal isn’t just to look confident. It’s to live it.

Why I Asked You to Write the Book

That’s also why I asked you to help me write Broke But Chosen.
It’s not just a story about a dude who gets women.
It’s about a man who learns to become himself.
To build confidence from the inside out — through humor, struggle, and presence.
I wanted people to learn what I learned, but in a way that’s entertaining, honest, and fun to read.
A story that makes men reflect and laugh.

Because every man has a little “Chad” in him — polite, hopeful, overthinking — but not every man stays that way.
Some of us learn to let go, to talk smoother, to move smarter, to stop chasing and start attracting.

That’s what Broke But Chosen is about.
And that’s what I’m about now.

No more “too nice.”
No more “uptight.”
I’m learning to let my energy do the talking — the same way the 85 South crew does.
Authentic. Funny. Free.
That’s the real goal.
Not to be perfect.
To be magnetic.