How do I feel right now?
Right now I am completely heartbroken. I can literally feel the pain in my chest. It hurts. My chest, my back, my stomach—I can feel everything, and it hurts.
How did I approach today?
I approached today with mixed feelings. I woke up wondering if the good morning text was going to come. It did, but I was scared it wouldn’t.
What is one thing I completed today?
One thing I did today was be honest about how much things hurt. I honestly don’t know if she even cares. Right now, everything I feel screams, “Don’t trust her.”
Additional Reflection
My mind is racing. I feel like I gave my all. Was I perfect? Absolutely not. I messed up by not being upfront.
Now I feel like I completely lost her.
The thing that hurts the most is that I don’t know what happened. I met Lani on Wednesday. The Saturday prior to meeting Lani, we had our first sexual experience.
I was really excited.